Too sore to type tonight........

Day 89 of my 365 day blog challenge....

We played baseball today with Nathan and my wrists are super sore.  I'm sure that I have arthritis right now in my wrists and hands.  Swinging the bat, catching the ball and throwing was just too much for me to handle today.  They have been sore for about a week now.  So, it's late and I'm sore so I'm done for tonight.  Too sore to type and need to rest.

Sorry, still trying to understand this pain and figure out how to best manage it.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

Easter dinner isn't what it use to be...and i couldn't be happier

Day 88 of my 365 day blog challenge

My opinions and my beliefs are just that...mine :) I am not judging anyone with this blog but rather voicing my opinion.  With that said, read on if you may...lol

I have spent that last 30+ years of my life eating everything under the sun.  Meat, dairy, sugar, wheat, cola, crappy chocolates, chips etc etc......I never really noticed that I felt like crap until I decided one day to cut it all out! I have never looked back and nor do I feel the need too.  "Food" isn't what it use to be.  Today it's a multi-trillion dollar industry, most of it is made in a factory and it has so many ingredients in it that we can't even recognise it anymore.  More and more people are getting sick, cancer, strokes, heart disease and an overall general feeling of being unwell.   

I know that there are people who don't yet understand the concept of simply eating Organic Vegan raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds.  Understanding that a whole food is simply that, a whole food.  A pepper is a pepper, an apple is an apple.  Nothing changed or added.  Fuelling our bodies with these foods not only allow our bodies to heal themselves, but are also so important for our planet.  I had a huge wake up call almost 6 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I thought I ate well.  Animal products, "foods" that I couldn't even read the label, processed "food" (what is that)?

I've had people say to me "I could never give up meat".  I'm sure that I felt the same way years ago.  Today I couldn't even imagine eating it.  Not only because the fact of the matter is, it's a dead animal and my body can't break that down but also because, I love all animals.  I don't care whether it's a dog, a cat, a pig, a cow etc....it's an animal. 

I invite you to take the time and watch a documentary called "Food Matters".  It's something that everyone should see.  Then you can make an informed decision on what is best for you.  I like most people just followed the 4 food groups because that's what I was taught and that's all I ever knew.  Then I watched the movie and everything I thought, came crumbling down.  I had to switch gears to ensure that i fuelled my body with the best food possible to ensure that I am living the healthiest life possible.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!!

A quote about how I am feeling...

Day 87 of my 365 day blog challenge

Life is so full of lessons.  I've said it so many time before that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.  Well it feels like for the last 2 years or so that i have been a full time student with an open heart who is ready to learn.  I have forgiven myself time and time again for the many years wasted and living a life where I have been waiting for the storm to pass. 

I blame myself for getting sick and having to take so many years off work to get well.  Why did  I need so much time? I was in treatment for almost 2 years but why am I now almost 3 years later after treatment just getting back to work full time? And my body is sooooo tired.  What happened to me? How did I allow this? I am not a lazy person.  I have always worked hard and never let anything get in the way of that.  I look back now and think to myself "what the heck was I doing"? I think that I was so mentally unwell that I couldn't even see it.  I have been fighting ever since to stay all around healthy.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.  I have been dancing for awhile now and I can't tell you how amazing it feels.  Sure sometimes the storm comes in and it's dark and hard to dance.  But I pick myself up, dust myself off and........dance!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks.

Where have the last 35 years gone....

Day 86 of my 365 day blog challenge

 

Have you ever looked back at your old pictures and thought "where has the time gone"? 35 years..35 years!!! Since this picture was taken.  I think I was about 5 years old.  If I were to see this little girl on the street today I would see a little tomboy and maybe a little gender confusion.  But I can't ever remember being confused and wanting to be a boy.  I always knew I was a girl and wanted to be one but I just preferred shopping in the boys department and hanging with them.  But now I do see how people may have been confused when I was young.  Though I didn't see it then and at times it was very difficult.  I was always defending myself.  It wasn't as accepted then and people didn't understand it.  I'm sure for the most part, people thought I was a boy.

 

I remember being at family picnics at age 8 or 9 and running around in swim shorts and no shirt just like the boys.  My parents and I never talked about my desire to wear boys clothes and baseball hats.  They just embraced me and went with it.  Sometimes I wonder if I ever let them down.  No pink dresses, no pig tails or nail painting.  Just ball caps, dirty nails and sweaty sports gear....lol

 

I hope that I have never let my parents down.  I feel so blessed that they loved me unconditionally and allowed me to be me.  Sure we had some tough times growing up as I'm sure all kids and parents do.  But they never tried to change me.  They were proud and likely didn't care what people thought.  My whole childhood I was told by others how cute I was.  I mean with that little androginist look, who could blame them ;)

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

Brother's from another mother........:)

Day 85 of my 365 day blog challenge

So about a month ago I wrote a blog about our amazing story of how we were connected with Nathan's 1/2 brother (share the same donor).  It was actually my Day 13 blog so check it out to fully understand the story.

As you may or may not know Nathan was conceived via fertility clinic using an unknown Italian donor to resemble me.......clearly not..lol When we decided to have a child this way we knew that there was a possibility of connecting one day with a sibling.  We didn't know that it would have when Nathan was about 6 months old. 

Nathan and Christian has met each other a few times.  He lives out of Province but his Grandparents live within 15 minute's of us and we see them as often as we can.  This picture was taken this past weekend when the boys connected again at their Grandparents home.  Amazingly they are only 6 months apart in age.  It was so amazing to see them together now.  They were basically sitting on top of each other while this picture was taken and then sitting really close to watch a movie.  As they grow, we have no doubt that the boys will be close.  That's what we all want for them.  Grandad Mark can't wait to take his boys away next summer. 

Life happens in some pretty amazing ways.  If we didn't do that newspaper article back in 2006 and Granny Hawk, Auntie Barb and Granddad Mark didn't see it, this never would have happened.  We are so blessed!!! So thankful that the boys have each other.  They have a bond and an amazing story to share that will last their lifetime....

Giving thanks for Christian and the whole family that comes with him xoxo

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving much, much thanks!!

Never allow anyone to get in the way.......

Day 84 of my 365 day blog challenge

I know that I have talked before in a past blog about my passion and finding it.  I feel so blessed to have searched and searched and to have finally found it.  My passion and desire is to share my knowledge of Vegan raw/living foods with many.  My purpose is to empower others to make decisions in their own lives that will change the way the see food.

I have come such a long way and have had to make some tough decision's that haven't been easy.  A wise woman (my Mentor Lydia) once told me "do what you love and the money will come".  I feel so blessed to be able to go to work everyday and do what I love.  But this too comes with it's challenges.  I have been waiting my whole life for this.  My life's vision is to create my own business of reaching and helping others on their road to health.  I will!!!

Everyday I am faced with challenges.  I see them as just that.  A challenge....it's been a long time since someone I work with talked to me the way they did today.  I feel sad for him that he feels it's okay to be so angry with someone and personally attack them.  I stood my ground, didn't back down and will never allow him or ANYONE else to get in the way.  I am unstopable and whether I am where I am at today in my journey or somewhere else.  I am on a mission and I WILL have a business to call my own one day......I have so much to offer!!!

Never allow anyone to get in the way of your dreams.  Follow your heart and always believe in yourself!!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks and sharing love!!

Melissa Etheridge rocks!!!

Day 83 of my 365 day blog challenge

Love her or not it doesn't matter to me.  Melissa Etheridge Rocks!! I was introduced to Etheridge when I was 19 and landscaping.  She reminded me of Janis Joplin who I was listening to then.  I immediately went out and got her CD.  I've been to many of her concerts and just love her music. 

I would love to go and see her this year.  Haven't bought a ticket yet :( Something about her music just moves me......As for Melissa herself, she's not my type...lol

She has inspired me to learn guitar.  I've been wanting to learn for over 5 years now, but that's never happened.  I am going to promise and commit to myself that I will learn before this year is over!!! I even has an acoustic guitar that my cousin gave me so no more excuses!!  I will keep you updated on that!!!

Time to go and listen to some Etheridge.  You should check her out sometime if you haven't already.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks

Songs carry such depth.......

Day 81 of my 365 day blog challenge

I heard this song "I hope you dance" on the radio the other day and I hadn't heard it for a long time.  Regardless what you think about this kind of music (I enjoy a wide range) for me the lyrics were so powerful! I have to admit that when I was going through chemotherapy, this way one of the songs that keep me going.  If you take a moment to listen to the lyrics, I'm sure you would understand why.  The power of music. 

Everyone has that special song that reminds them of their first love or their breakup song.  Wedding song or pump up song.  You know I am now going to lead into a story........lol

When I was in Grade school walking around with my Getttoooo blaster on my shoulder (yes, I was one of those).  My Nanny bought me the biggest one should could find and I'm sure it needed about 12 D batteries.....lol I was at school and playing my tunes at lunch on the play ground.  Then, I don't know what happened but an argument started between myself and someone else.  Well, I put down my getto blaster, hit play on the dual cassette deck and blaster Pat Benetars "Hit me with your best shot" or yes I did.....5 minutes later I was in the principals office losing my getto blaster and explaining my actions.........LOL

Joan Jett "I love Rock and Roll".  I remember I must have been about 11 years old and I was given the 45 album of that song.  It was my birthday party and our house was full.  We were dancing and singing all day long.......lol

Last and best childhood memory song for now....."We are the champions" Ya, whether it was baseball or hockey I remember playing that song over and over in the dugout or dressing room.  The little bugger in me was probably chanting it.....:)

There's many song lyrics out there that remind us of different times in our lives.  It doesn't matter what kind of music it is, it connects us.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!!

Being responsible for another life......

Day 80 of my 365 day blog challenge

At times when I actually think about it, I am a mom.  I am responsible for Nathan.  Responsible to ensure that he has all that life has to offer.  To love him unconditionally and encourage him and support him.  Me.........I am a parent.  Who allowed such a thing......LOL

I often wonder what his childhood memories are going to be.  I know he loves his moms so much and we know the importance for him to be surrounded by positive male influences.  He has that. 

I remember in school I was given an egg (as a baby) to take care of as part of a project we were doing.  I dropped it within the first 5 minutes.....lol I know, I went to a trade school........don't ask..lol

This little guy is my greatest joy! I know that I have said this before, but wow! He is my strength...

Today my mom asked said to me that she doesn't know how I can think of something to write everyday.  I told her that I have a lot to tell!! She laughed and said yes :) As I said before, I was a good kid but I definitely had a tough side (in case you didn't notice).  I had a curfew (obied it), didn't party and never got into trouble at school.  Okay, that last part was a lie.......I had to call my mom on a few occasions from High school before the principle got to her first.  Yes, I was suspended a few times.  But that's because I was always protecting the kids that were being picked on.  I didn't take any crap from anyone then.  So, I would call my mom and she would come and pick me up.  We would go to lunch, the mall etc for the next 3 days and never told my dad....lol



We may or may not have our hands full with Nathan when he heads into his teenage years.  All I know is that Karen and I work hard everyday to ensure that we are setting a solid foundation for him.  We will always love him unconditionally.  We made that promise to him the day we welcomed him into our world.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks and much love!!

Power within........

Day 79 of my 365 day blog challenge...

When I tell people that I get up at 4:30 or 5:00am usually their first reaction is why??? That's crazy is usually what comes next.  Then they say, "not me I love my sleep".  I say sleep is overrated! :) Does my body need rest? Absolutely! It aches and I have pains and it's tired.  But I function best on 6 hrs.  Besides I have way too much to do in this life and if I spend only 5-6 hrs resting, then I still have 19 hrs in the day to achieve!!

I sometimes feel like I lost years of my life battling cancer, then depression.  I work hard every single day on my self.  Getting up early allows me to do my meditation practice, stretch, exercise, work on my goals and dreams.  All of this before leaving for work at 7:30am.  Even on my days off, this is my routine and practice.

For so many years I have been lost.  Never really knowing where I fit in or belong.  What were my dreams, my goals?.  What do I want for my life? I mean beating cancer must mean something right? It isn't easy some days to do all that I need to do to ensure that I am staying on the right track.  It takes hard work, discipline and believing in myself that I will continue to persist until I succeed.  I will not stop until I am completely satisfied with where my life is at!  

I am so grateful that I have such an amazing spouse who has allowed and embraced this journey that I'm on.  Digging deep within myself and doing work that needs to be done hasn't always been pretty.  Karen has been there through it all.  I heard a famous quote the other day and parts of it really rang true.

Marilyn Monroe:
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.  I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle.  But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!

Thanks Karen for weathering all the storms with me xoxo

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

I miss my Mom....my!!

Day 78 of my 365 day blog challenge

That's right, I said it and I'm not ashamed.......I miss my mommy!! Making the decision to move out West 12 years ago didn't come easy.  We knew that we were leaving our loving family and that was difficult. 

As my mom gets older, it saddens me that I only see her once a year.  I will change that!! We talk on the phone every single day.  We rarely miss one.  My mom is so awesome! I would love to plan a vacation away just her and I.  I know she misses us and her grandson.  She has been through a lot, but she is tough!! I thought I got my toughness from my dad, but I realize I got my emotional side from him.....lol

I remember when I was a kid and I would do something to get me into trouble.  My mom would run to the cupboard to get a wooden spoon.  Sometimes she caught me and others times I grabbed the spoon and broke it over my knee then ran like crazy..........LOL 

Both my parents were so involved in my sports growing up as we are with Nathan.  I am so thankful for that.  To share those experiences with your parents are priceless.

Mom: thanks for a lifetime of unconditional love.  Thanks for picking me up from school a few times when I called to tell you I was suspended...lol Thanks for all the time moments in my life that have contributed to who I am today.  Thanks for all that you are and all that you do!! You are amazing and you are loved! xo

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

There are not enough hours in the day!

Day 77 of my 365 day blog challenge...

So on most days now I am already getting up at 4:45am.  I am getting to bed around 11 or so at night.  I just have so much that I want to do and accomplish, that I think I need to get up at 4:15am.  So tomorrow morning I will attempt to wake at 4:15am. 

I just arrived home from being out since 7:30am this morning.  I worked all day and then had a baseball meeting.  I still have a bunch of emails that I need to send out and hope to be in bed by 11pm.

When you can't find enough hours in the day to get things done, wake up earlier!!! If you eat well (living foods and exercise) you should really only need 5 hours sleep anyways.  Honestly, my best days are when I wake up at 4:45am and go until 11pm.  If I sleep more than 6 hours, I am not only tired, but grumpy.  Trust me, you don't want me grumpy :)

So much more to do tonight so I better go.....

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving much thanks!!!

Never burn your bridges........

Day 76 of my 365 day blog challenge

This picture was taken 12 years ago just before Karen and I moved to Vancouver.  I don't know what I was thinking with the glasses but according to this picture, I was likely breaking out my dance moves for Karen....LOL I'm always entertaining :)

Karen worked for GoodLife fitness then as a Personal Trainer.  Now, 12 years later she has decided to go full circle and return to the field that she went to University for.  She just started back at GoodLife Fitness this week.  She will be the fitness Manager and head trainer :)  I couldn't be more proud of her.  I am really hoping she gets me a new sweater.....LOL

So Karen and I have a bet to see who can get in the best shape before May.  Now I am a little concerned seeing as she will be in a gym everyday.  I need to step up my game a little.  Maybe I need to register to Tough Mudder or something.  Gyms are extremely boring so I need to do something else.  Any suggestions?

Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking with that look.......

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving much thanks

What to blog about tonight.....

I work hard everyday to connect with self! Me at age 6 :)

Day 75 of my 365 day blog challenge...

I just realized that Nathan is starting March break on Monday.  Not only for 1 week, but for 2! Yes, the kids are off for 2 full weeks!!! So thankful and grateful for the Boys and Girls club!!

I'm not really sure when this 2 weeks off started, but I don't remember having that much time off at March break.  Two years ago we were in Hawaii and Mexico back to back.  So the long break didn't seem so long.  This one will be long......lol

I am having a really hard time blogging tonight.  I was up at 4:30am (by choice and yes on my day off) doing some meditation and work on a project I am working on.  So I think it's okay to be okay with my mind being a little tired. 

So for now I leave you with this thought to ponder: Happiness comes when you believe in what you are doing, know what you are doing, and love what you are doing!

I feel blessed and am thankful for everyday! I will achieve everything that I desire!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

Our thoughts create our reality.....

Day 74 of my 365 day blog challenge

Our thoughts really do create our reality.  They are so powerful.  I struggle every day with thoughts hence why I meditate around 5am.  Starting my day another other way wouldn't be wise for me.  So tonight I share a few quotes of my thoughts that I am feeling in this moment.  Every moment of every day, I work on self.  I will full fill all my dreams! Because not doing so, isn't an option for me!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving much thanks!!!

Baseball draft...serious stuff :)

Day 73 of my 365 day blog challenge

I just came home from the baseball draft for Nathan's rookie league.  As the rookie coordinator, this is serious business.  The 6-8 year olds are ranked based on their assessments that were held over the last two weekends.  This is done to balance the teams as fairly as possible.  Out of 59 kids in the Rookie division Nathan was ranked in the top 10 (number 7 to be exact).  Not bad for a little guy who just started playing last summer :) He must take after me......LOL

Baseball season is serious business in our house.  Our team practises 2 times per week and play on Saturday's and Sunday's :)  As the rookie coordinator I volunteer about 10 hours per week.  I am also Nathan's head coach, coach Ed is my assistant and of course, Karen is the manager.  All 3 of us balance each other well! I yell, Ed is very calm and Karen manages to keep the players for climbing in the dugout...LOL

I remember when I told Karen that I wanted to put Nathan into baseball.  She wanted nothing to do with it.  Thought that baseball wasn't cool maybe.  Now she is the first one to grab the glove and play catch. 

Creating a lifetime of memories for Nathan..........

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.   Giving thanks!!

Baseball season is in the house......

Day 72 of my 365 day blog challenge..

On Monday our friends Deanna and Manuel (their boys are Nathan's best friends) gave Nathan a gift for opening season.  A new baseball bat and batting gloves.  We have been playing baseball in the condo for the last two night (using a rubber ball of course).  He loves that bat! As you can see, anything goes at our house..lol

When Nathan is focused on something, that's all he wants to do.  During the winter months we have hockey nets set up and play hockey in this hallway too :) Sometimes we play these games every single night.lol  Creating awesome childhood memories for Nathan.

 Nathan is a great little ball player.  He loves short stop or 3rd base and can hit almost every time he goes up to bat.  This past weekend at the try outs he had the fastest running time of all the 6-8 year olds that were there.  So even if he only hits singles right now, with his speed and the errors from the opposing team he gets doubles........LOL

Looking forward to taking hit to the batting cages soon.  I may have to hit some balls too.  I LOVE SPORTS!!!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks always!!!

A good man **special tribute post**

Day 71 of my 365 day blog challenge

So today is a very special day.  Though my father passed away 3 years ago today, I want to celebrate his amazing life.  He was a good man! A man that everyone loved.  Well except the ones he told off..lol I'm sure they even found him charming :)

I don't want to focus on the day I let go of my dads hand.  I feel blessed to have been by his side leading up to his passing.  I want to talk about the man who loved his family deeply and would do anything for them and those in his life.  My dad was handsome, funny and new a lot about a lot.  He came to Canada when he was just 12 years old from Italy.  For as long as I could remember, he was in the body shop business (cars) lol

I was spoiled........but very grounded.  I never bragged and always shared whatever I had with my friends.  My parents always welcomed my friends.  They included everyone and were always very loving.

In the winter time my dad would get out the water hose and help me build snow forts and even built an ice rink every winter in our backyard for us to play hockey on.  In the summer my parents would open up our travel trailer in the backyard so that we could have sleepovers.  Anything I wanted to do, I did it.  My dad was tough but had such a big loving heart.  He was always happy with a smile on his face.  But he had a big emotional side too and would cry very easily.  I got that from him...:)

I know that my dad was absolutely heartbroken and felt helpless when I told him I had cancer.  That was so difficult.....When I flew home to Toronto about 5 months into chemo and was bald, he put his arms around me and we cried.  He told me that I looked beautiful and that I was going to be okay.  I am sooooo thankful that my dad lived to see me beat it and to be healthy again.

My dad would have been 71 years old this year and today is my 71 day of my blog.  Strange.......but definitely meant to be.

DAD: Thank you for all the love, the life lessons and the best childhood!!! I feel your presence everyday.  I know you are here.  A part of me is missing and will only be whole when we embrace again one day.  Thank you for being my strength, my mentor and my Father.  Today and each and every day I celebrate your life!!! I love you dad xoxo

Struggling to connect......

Day 70 of my 365 day blog challenge

I look at the little girl in this picture (I think I'm about 5 years old) and I don't even know who she is.  First of all, I don't even remember it and secondly I am struggling to connect with her.  This is sad really.  Why don't I have that connection? What series of events happened throughout my life, that I struggle to connect?

Before cancer, I never asked myself such a question.  But being faced with death and my struggles to beat it, I opened my heart to find some answers.  Somewhere along the way in my life, I simply disconnected.  Though I loved myself and knew right from wrong, I wasn't connected.  Getting sick brought that awareness to the surface.  I mean how could I connect with myself when I didn't even know who I was looking in the mirror.  A friend said to me once that this picture represents pure determination.  Throughout my whole life friends have always seen this tough, loving girl who could get through anything.  But why didn't I see it? Even today when someone says "wow, you beat cancer" I think, ya so what.   

So when people ask me why do I get up at 4:30 am.  It's because at this stage in my life I am searching for answers.  I meditate on all the blessings in my life and have a strong desire to connect with that cute little tomboy in the picture.  A strong desire to understand and believe that I am amazing and I truly can do and have anything I desire.....

I told you the day I started this blog that I was going to be open and honest with you about my life.  This is as honest as it gets.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!

Another amazing childhood memory....

Day 69 of my 365 day blog challenge

When I was a kid my dad bought us a racing go-kart vary similar to this one.  Every weekend we would go on the hour drive to the track.  We had a Pontiac short back station wagon.  We only had 2 seats because in order to fit the go-kart into the car, we have to put both back seats down.  So, naturally I rode the whole way to the track sitting in the go-kart with my helmet on ready to race......LOL My dad would load the kart in and then I would climb into my seat :) It was so much fun! I loved racing that go kart.  My dad made me special attachments so that I could reach the pedals.  I would also sit on a cushion.lol

When we weren't at the track, we were fixing the kart in our garage getting it ready for the next race.  All our friends in the neighbourhood would come running when they heard the kart being fired up.  We were the only kids with a go-kart so as you could imagine, everyone loved it.  We would let the kids take turns trying it out.  Neighbours would complain because it was so loud.  Police would be called but after a while that grew old and eventually the cops were trying it too......LOL When my dad wasn't home, we would push each other around in it without starting the engine.  Such good times at the track!!!

I promised Nathan that I would buy him a go-kart one day soon.  But I have to be honest, it's because I want one........:)

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks.

Always remind yourself of when the seed was planted....

Day 68 of my 365 day blog challenge

I can't remember the guys name in this picture but I do know it was taken in 1999 when we all worked for Honda.  Karen and I had been dating for about 1 year then.  So young, we didn't know it then but life ahead would have it's share of challenges for us.

Karen's mom had just passed away a few months before this picture was taken.  She was diagnosed with ALS and passed away about a year later....heartbreaking.  In Feb 2007 Karen's dad suffered a heart attack and passed away.  Then in April I was diagnosed with cancer.  We struggled with that for many years to come and still do today.  My father passed away in March 2010. 

We have had so many amazing blessings in our life.  Our biggest blessing, our amazing son.  But life can be very challenging.  We always remember to count or blessings, not to hold grudges and believe that anything is possible. 

Karen and I knew the minute we met that we would continue our path together.  We have always balanced each other well.  Being 4 years older, I guess you could say that I was the one who took the lead in situations and always ensuring that things would work out.  Then, I got sick.....things changed.  Karen couldn't rely on me anymore.  I was fighting for me life! This cancer bullshit struggle has changed me.  It's changed the way I feel about myself at times.  I feel like I've let her down.  I know that isn't true, but I do feel that way.  For 9 years before getting sick, I took the lead.  When I was knocked down, that was heartbreaking.  At times I couldn't even get out of bed so making decisions about Nathan's daycare, caring for the home and day to day life was all on her.

I have struggles within myself that I work on everyday.  Karen and I made a promise to each other 15 years ago to love through sickness and health.  That's what we continue to day everyday.  Life is crazy at times.  To have someone who is so amazing to share it with is a blessing.  I can only hope that one day Nathan looks back on his childhood and thinks "my parents always taught me that when life gets tough, I have the strength within me to get through it".

In 1998 when Karen and I talked for the first time, the love seed was planted.  15 years later our tree of life continues to grow stronger, healthier, and with some deep roots!

I would never change this journey, sooooo many lessons.

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks and sending love!

Now I understand what my parents went through..:)

Day 67 of my 365 day blog challenge

Tomorrow morning Nathan's soccer league is finished for the season (yes, we play outdoor soccer here in Vancouver Sept-Mar).  Then tomorrow afternoon Nathan's baseball tryouts start......LOL From one little cute uniform to another. 

As a kid you don't realize what your parents do to ensure that you stay active, learn, play etc...We as parents do a lot!! I use to go bowling in the morning, then go to my hockey game, then go skiing sometimes after that.  In the summer I would play baseball, race my go-kart, go swimming etc...How did my parents do it? Running here there and everywhere.  Now thats us..lol Whatever it takes! We really do enjoy it.

This year I am the Rookie coordinator and head coach for Nathan's baseball league.  What was I thinking volunteering for that :) It's my job to make sure that all kids are placed as even as possible on the teams.  Ensure that all teams have a coach, organize the tournaments and be the go to person if all crap hits the fan.  I'm pretty sure that I am following in my dads footsteps....lol

Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Nathan enjoys having his parents involved.  I'm not sure for how long, so for now I will take what I can get!!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks

Aches and pains but keeping sane.......

Day 66 of my 365 day blog challenge.

Today I am in pain sadly :( My body is aching and these last few weeks my feet have been hurting.  My father had rheumatoid arthritis and I'm pretty sure I do.  I could hardly get home tonight and haven't been able to move around much.  I'm not going to lie, this does make me a little sad.  I'm only 40 and if I'm in this much pain now, what kind of active life am I going to have.  Remaining positive, I know that I can handle anything.  I refuse to take pharmaceutical drugs of any kind, so I will manage.  Haven't I been through enough?

I can't remember the last time I was pain free.  Probably about 6 years ago......But I know I am healthy otherwise and a little bit of pain won't slow me down.  But it is tough.

Why am I facing these challenges? I was a good kid, always kind to others.  I've had my fair share of struggles throughout my life and continue to do so.  At times it is so hard to stay focused and positive.  I just have to believe that I will get through this too.

I get up now at 4:30am everyday so that I can continue to move forward and get to a better place.  Keep my goals and dreams on track.  I want to do so much with this life.  Believing is key......

Continued tomorrow........

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks

Grandparents are an important part of our lives....

Day 65 of my 365 day blog challenge.

I heard on the radio the other day that Grandparents today are being replaced with smart phones, computers, ipads etc.... The days of asking your Grandparents about their upbringing or asking them how to do something is increasingly fading.  Kids are finding out everything they need on the Internet.  Even when visiting their Grandparents, time is spent on their phones texting or surfing the net.  This is so sad.........

This is my Papa (my moms dad).  He passed away about 4 years ago.  I'm so thankful that he was alive to see me beat cancer.  He was so heartbroken when he found out I was sick. 

I spent so much time at Nanny and Papa's.  I have learned so much from both of them.  They played a big role in who I am today.  So loving, kind and gentle.  They would take me to Florida and Nanny would stuff money in my hands when Papa wasn't looking.  Then Papa would grab my hand and give me my weekly allowance...lol At Christmas time our presents would be piled high and just below ceiling level.  It would take forever to open them. 

I couldn't imagine my childhood without the times I spent with my Grandparents.  They are a part of me.  So if you are still blessed to have your Grandparents around, take the time to visit.  It means more to them than we could ever imagine.

I feel so blessed that Nathan has 3 sets of Grandparents.  So much love between them.  He is such a lucky boy and I can't wait until he's a little older and they can take him on a warm vacation to Disneyland or something like that.........LOL

It means so much to me that people are taking the time to read, share and comment.  Giving thanks!!!

Challenged writing tonight.....

Day 64 of my 365 day blog challenge.

My challenge tonight is writing my blog.  I was up at 4:30am this morning because I am challenging myself now to get up at this time.  I use to get up at 5:00am to do my meditation practice, then gym but I'm finding that I need more time.  So seeing as I love mornings, why not get up earlier :) The morning is an amazing time to just be.  The house is silent and I can accomplish so much!! I am working on my website right now and juggling the idea of writing a book, so what better time than at 4:30am!!! Which is actually only 5.5 hrs from now so its time for me to go to bed!!! Beauty rest :)

Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing.  Giving thanks!!!

Pool shark! That's my name........

Day 63 of my 365 day blog challenge

I'm pretty sure that I was about 5 years old when my parents bought us our first pool table.  It was Christmas morning and my dad told me that my Nonno (Italian grandfather) decided to come late last night and wanted to be here for Christmas morning.  He suggested I go wake him up (in our spare room).   When I opened the door, there it was.  A full size pool table.  Just what every 5 year old girl wanted........LOL I was over the moon!!! Best present ever!

My dad and I hung out in pool halls often.  I remember on numerous occasions my dad hustling me to every guy who walked through the door lol.  Play my daughter for $20 he would say.  The guys would just laugh when they looked at me.  But then, the shark would come alive and I would beat every single one of them 9 times out of 10 :) I remember being up $240 and I ran over to my dad who was playing at another table, doing the exact same thing.  My dad went over to the guy who was shamed and said "play my daughter again for double or nothing".  My dad was sure I was going to win......again.  Well, I didn't.  It was the first game I lost to the guy over the course of about 3 hours.  I was so upset.  My dad laughed and I'm pretty sure gave me the $200 he had just won :)

We would spend Friday and Saturday nights together at the pool hall.  I loved playing snooker.  I played in many tournaments and won more pool cues than I could keep track of.  My dad and I would enter tournaments together too.  I'm sure I was the only girl playing competitive snooker then.  Best times for sure. 

I haven't played for awhile.  But I am always up for the challenge if anyone would like to take me on :) Just for fun of course :)

Thanks for reading!!!!!! Much love and thanks

When did life become so different.....

Day 62 of my 365 day blog challenge

When did life become so different? I know this isn't a clear picture but I rode everywhere on my bike.  Now I have zero interest in riding one.  That's my best friend Zelda and I riding around in our hood.  That's one of my many hockey jackets that I use to wear...lol I had many different bikes.  My favourite was my BMX bike that we bought from Canadian Tire.  I would wash that bike every weekend.  I would take it apart and build it again.  I changed the seat, the handle bars, the tires so that I had a red and black one.  I even painted it a few times :) I was so awesome!!! Thanks mom and dad!!! xox

Life was so different then.  I would go home when the street lights came on and if I wasn't at a friends house, my parents couldn't get a hold of me.  Until that one time I didn't tell them where I was going and Zelda and I spent the whole day at our friend Barney's house.  I stayed until after dinner.  Because my dad had connections with the cops (don't ask, that's a whole other post)..lol they even had them looking for me.  They did call Barney's house but because his parents spoke Hungarian, his mom told my mom that we weren't there.  She had just gotten home from work and we were hanging in his room playing Atari.....LOL Well, when I got home after an awesome day I was in sooooo much trouble! After that, my parent's bought me waki talkie's...LOL

I want to be a kid again.  I want to spend all day working on my bike, with my biggest worry being whether or not I was going to make it home on time after the street lights came on.  Life is stressful! But if we can take a little time to reminisce about the "good old days"..lol Then they don't seem so long ago.  Only 30 years!!!! 30 years!!!!!

I really appreciate you reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks and sending love for all the love you send my way!

Special birthday blog post! Take the long way home....

Day 61 of my 365 day blog challenge.

"Take the long way home" lyrics by Super tramp.  I grew up listening to Super tramp and Meatloaf while riding around in the backseat of my Aunt Cindy's blue 1982 (i think) Honda Civic hatchback.  Ahhhh 8 track tapes......lol

My aunt and I are only 11 years apart.  So that would make her 28 years old today ;)...lol Growing up Aunt Cindy was such a big part of my life and even more so today.

Just a year after I was diagnosed with cancer, my aunt was diagnosed with MS :( Though she is doing well today, she was way too young as was I to be diagnosed with such illnesses.  But we are fighters!!!

Thank you Aunt Cindy for taking me to my first movie: ET, for buying me my first Roots sweater and for Always, always being there whenever I needed you.  I couldn't ask for a better Aunt.  You are an amazing mom to 4 beautiful amazing kids who adore you.

Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy,Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happppyyyyyyyyyyyy Birthday Aunt Cindy (sorry, didn't have candles)..lol

Looking forward to celebrating many more....thanks for being amazing!!!! With much love and admiration. xoxoxoo

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks

Ugghh I fell asleep!!...

Dy 60 of my 365 day blog challenge

Cuddling at night with Nathan is something that Karen and I alternate every night.  Our routine is that one of us reads a story (or Nathan does) and the other cuddles until he falls asleep.  So sweet! Karen 99% of the time falls asleep with him.  Tonight was my night to cuddle and well..........I fell asleep!! My contacts are dry and now I am extremely tired!!!

I will have to continue my blog tomorrow....sweet dreams!

Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting.  Giving thanks!!!!