I look at the little girl in this picture (I think I'm about 5 years old) and I don't even know who she is. First of all, I don't even remember it and secondly I am struggling to connect with her. This is sad really. Why don't I have that connection? What series of events happened throughout my life, that I struggle to connect?
Before cancer, I never asked myself such a question. But being faced with death and my struggles to beat it, I opened my heart to find some answers. Somewhere along the way in my life, I simply disconnected. Though I loved myself and knew right from wrong, I wasn't connected. Getting sick brought that awareness to the surface. I mean how could I connect with myself when I didn't even know who I was looking in the mirror. A friend said to me once that this picture represents pure determination. Throughout my whole life friends have always seen this tough, loving girl who could get through anything. But why didn't I see it? Even today when someone says "wow, you beat cancer" I think, ya so what.
So when people ask me why do I get up at 4:30 am. It's because at this stage in my life I am searching for answers. I meditate on all the blessings in my life and have a strong desire to connect with that cute little tomboy in the picture. A strong desire to understand and believe that I am amazing and I truly can do and have anything I desire.....
I told you the day I started this blog that I was going to be open and honest with you about my life. This is as honest as it gets.
Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting. Giving thanks!!
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