Okay now I am really putting it all out there....face and all......lol Let me explain :)
A few months ago I decided to follow my passion and find work at a Raw/Vegan restaurant. I love it! Couldn't be happier. The only problem was about 2 weeks in I had noticed that Nathan's behaviour towards me had started to change. Prior to going to work at Gorilla Food I made my own schedule. The 3 of us always had weekends, most evenings and mornings together. Very fortunate! With Gorilla the shift that I requested was Sun-Thurs with Friday off (go to school with Nathan) and Saturdays off (family day). The problem was that my schedule and routine not only changed, but so did Nathan's. I explained to Nathan that I would be getting a new job and that Mommy wouldn't be around as much as I was before. But that I loved him and I would miss him on Sunday's. Most Sunday mornings he would be up when I left for work but on the mornings he wasn't, I would give him a big kiss before heading out the door.
So about 2 weeks in I noticed that when I would come home from work on Sundays and Nathan and Karen were playing, he ignored me. It didn't matter what I did, he would kiss me and then play with Momma. I felt so left out. My heart ached throughout the day because I missed him so much, only to come home to this behaviour for a few more weeks. I didn't know what to think of this and why it was happening.
Then I thought: What is it like to look through the eyes of a 6 year old. Does Nathan really understand what Mommy has a new job and I won't be home on Sunday's means?? Then it clicked! Nathan feels like I have abandoned him. He feels like when he wakes up expecting both parents and it's just Momma, he's upset but doesn't even know it or know how to express it. Then all day Sunday he gets to spend with just Momma. Throughout the day, they are making a connection. Then I walk in around dinner time and just expect to be a part of the fun.
Solution: I sat Nathan down and explained why these changes happened. I told him how much I loved him, how I thought about him all day long and even left him notes on the mornings he was still sleeping. I thought it would be a great idea on Sunday's to send a text with picture (via Momma) throughout the day (1 or 2 times) to show what we were doing so that he would feel loved. Karen would send a picture of him skating or a funny face and yesterday I sent the picture above. Nathan could instantly feel the connection. I would come home from work and things were different. Hugging me and kissing me. We do this every Sunday and it warms my heart!
One of my fears has been that one day Nathan would turn to me and say "you are not my real Mommy". Well during the disconnection and in frustration of not understanding the situation he said it. I burst into tears and so did he repeating "I'm sorry Mommy I didn't mean it the words just came out". My heart was sad for him. Sad that he felt like I could just leave him and not be around after being my his side for 6 years.
We had a breakthrough. I opened my heart and instead of acting as the adult and doing what I had to do. I found a solution to the little heartache my amazing boy was feeling every time I went to work. We continue to connect on such a deep level and it's amazing what you can learn if you just take a second to see life through the eyes of a child......
Thanks for reading, sharing and commenting. Giving thanks and sharing love.
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